02/08/2023
•Part 2•
NEVERTHELESS, today, i feel like im ready to move forward with my life! ofcourse i do have alot of regrets and i still blame myself for everything... but my eyes dont get wet anymore, i dont get frustrated or angry anymore, im also starting to get my appetite back, even i though i know i might get fat again but stress starving for 2 3 days to an extent of getting stomach ulcers followed by oral ulcers follwed by skin ulcers wasnt doing any good to me either, id never thought such day will ever come but food doesn't excite me anymore. I ve let myself "feel" and for better or worse im hoping it takes me to somewhere better!
Being the post traumatic shut-in person i am, in all my pitting and willowing this thought crossed my mind, that if i move on to the next world today will anyone come to my funeral? or will even they know? will anyone care to notice my absence? no one actually knows what im upto nowadays...how i have really been, i guess im now ready to go back my circles, to again start meeting people! let those people whom i said ill ALWAYS be there if you'll ever need me know that im still here for you!
I am starting to make peace with knowing that i was sent into thia world to be alone ! rather putting my perspective spin on it, i was sent here to spread all those things that i am devoid of ,to all those people who come into my life, anyone in need of it !
Life is really a roller coaster ride, after id lost everything bit by bit....and pitted on myself, the 12th day i just had it enough!
i started to go roam around hospital to hospital people to people, in search of a job ...tbh i didn't know what i was searching for, but a after just 3 days of grind and one short trip that i told no one, i lined up 6 to 7 interviews. In just a few days. I ALHAMDULILLAH got 5 job offers, 2 from Islamabad and 3 from multan. the best thing being, no one other than me had any to do with it. sure i got help from people who knew what kinda doctor i am, but in this era of 'safarish' and 'rishwat' i didn't need them...i was enough on my own!
-"Do you know why GOD, the all knowing, the omnipotent, makes you fall?"
-"why!?"
-"So you may learn to stand right back up!"